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It has been 7 years
since I felt in love with her. I knew we are a perfect match for each
other. I guess it is a case of meeting
the right people at the wrong time. She had just coupled up with this guy
and there is nothing I could do about it.
In this 7 years, she had gone abroad and completed her
studies. It has been 2 years since she returned back to Malaysia and today she
is working for a very reputable organization in Penang.
What hurts me the most in these 7 years is not that she
isn’t my gf, but the fact that she has
been in an unhealthy relationship. The guy who is with her has been torturing her mentally and hurting her
emotionally.
Especially during the time she was aboard. As she wasn’t
settling in well in the new environment, she felt sick often and was generally
very weak. In addition to that, this guy would always hurt her and make her
cry. I felt so angry and helpless to
watch the girl I am in love with being destroyed bit by bit.
I used to call every week while she was there, just to cheer
her up and make her smile. I wished I
could have just told her to leave him and be with me. I would have taken
care of her like a queen, but that would have been unethical to do.
I was so angry at the guy. He had the best girl in the world with him and yet he treated her like
trash. Sometimes I wonder why would
men do this to the woman they love. How do they find it within themselves
to hurt the very being they fell in love with. If he was unhappy with her, he
could have just left instead of destroying her self-esteem.
Yet I never understood, despite being bullied in a
relationship, she never left him.
She stood by his side and choose to remain in the relationship. She was the definition of loyalty in a
relationship. I couldn’t help but to fall in love with her even more. She
was that one of kind woman and she wasn’t mine.
To be honest, I did try to move on from her during this
period of time. I tried dating a couple
of woman but I could hardly hold a conversation with them over dinner and
eventually would lose interest in them. I couldn’t really tell people why I
would stop dating someone but deep in me I knew it was because I was still in love with her. Call me crazy, but she was
the only girl I could see being my partner although she was never mine.
One fine day, I received a SMS from her. Back then in 20055
SMS was the thing for us as what Whatsapp is for people today. The moment I got
the text from her, I knew she was going
through a rough day as always. I just didn’t know in what way was her
boyfriend torturing today.
“Hi pa, how are you
doing?” She texted.
“I’m good. Just a little tired down with work. How are you doing ma?”
I texted.
“Erm, not good. I actually broke up a couple of weeks ago.
I’ve been a mess since that.” She texted.
I froze for a moment. I couldn’t believe what I just saw. I
had to read it back a couple of times just to make sure I was seeing it right.
I read it back again and yes it does say that she did broke up. I was literally over the moon in joy.
There was a huge
smile on my face. As much as I was happy
to know that the girl of my dreams was single, I was happier with the fact that
she is now no longer in a damaging relationship.
“Are you there pa. No reply from you? Sorry if I am disturbing you.”
She texted.
“Sorry, I was doing
something just now. No worries you are not disturbing me. When did this happen?
How have you been coping?” I texted.
“It’s been really
hard. I have been with him for so many
years and I don’t know how to deal with this. I haven’t talked to anyone
about it. I don’t know why I am texting to you about it.” She texted.
I could feel her pain in the text she sent. Once again I felt horrible about myself for not being
there for her to comfort. It was here were I thought of something.
“Do you have any plans
Friday night ma. Let me take you out for
dinner.” I texted.
“What? You must be
crazy. I’m in Penang and you are in Kl.
That’s like a 5 hour drive. No pa it’s ok.” She texted.
“Haha no ma, actually
I am coming to Penang this weekend for a holiday. Coming there on Friday and
going back on Sunday. So yeah come let’s meet up on Friday. We never met each other after our
university days.” I texted.
“Hmm, you’ve already planned the trip is it?
Then ok la. You are coming with a friend
right? Have you booked your room” She texted.
“Haha yeah it is a planned and yes done with
all the booking already. I am coming with a friend. So let’s meet up Friday
night Okey?” I texted.
“Yeah sure. I got to
go now. I’ll see you Friday.” She texted.
I ended the SMS conversation with a huge grin on my face. I was so happy that I am finally going to
see her and this time she is actually single. I quickly picked up my phone
and called my best friend.
“Cha, you are my best
friend right?” I said.
“Yeah, but why are you
asking me this. What is it that you want
from me?” He said.
“We are going to Penang this Friday for a vacation. Let’s take half
day on Friday and leave to Penang and come back on Sunday. I’ll drive and look
for a room to stay. No questions asked
cha.” I said.
“Okey you decided
already right, then why you asking me. Let’s
go Penang. It’s been a while since I went there too. But somehow I feel suspicious about this plan. So randomly you are
calling me. Hmm it is Okey. You are my friend and I’ll follow you.” He said
with a doubtful tone.
“Thanks Cha. I love
you!” I said before hanging up the phone.
So yeah I actually
had no plans at all to go for a vacation at all, but I knew I had to go and see
her. She is hurt and could do with some companion. What’s the point loving a girl if you are willing to go the distance to
make her smile? She was worth travelling every mile to make her smile. That
was how much I loved her.
That Friday came and I was driving to Penang with my best
friend.
“Cha, let’s go to
Gurney Drive for dinner later.” He said.
“Erm actually Cha, tonight I have made a different dinner
plan for us. We are meeting a friend
of mine for dinner at the mainland.” I said hesitantly.
“Is that friend of
yours a girl?” He asked.
“Erm yes cha.” I
said.
“And this whole sudden
trip to Penang, it is to see her right?”
He said.
“Haha yes cha, it is to see her.” I said
with an innocent looking smile on my face.
“I knew it! I knew the moment you suddenly called me out for a
vacation itself, I knew something wasn’t right. You wanted to see her means you should have gone yourself right.
Why you bringing me along.” He asked.
“No Cha, if I go alone
means it will be very obvious. Plus I already told her I am coming with a
friend. You are the only friend who
would follow me without asking. So that’s why you. Sorry Cha, I love you.”
I said.
“Good, very good. Why am I even friends with you?” He
said sarcastically.
“It’s all fate.” I
said.
And we continued our drive to Penang. We eventually reached
there around 5, checked in to our hotel, took a quick bath before driving to
the mainland to meet her for dinner. The
three of us met up and we had dinner.
It was so good to make her laugh over dinner. That’s all I
ever wanted, which is to make her smile
and be happy. After dinner, she and I took a walk by the beach as my friend
was smart enough to give us space and not be the 3rd wheel.
“How are you doing ma?
How have you been coping with things?” I asked.
“I don’t know. It’s
been really tough. I’m just taking it one day at a time.” She said.
“Can I tell you
something ma?” I asked.
“Yeah sure.” She
said.
“I am actually very happy you broke up with him. I’ve known you for so many years and have
seen how you have been in your relationship. Breaking up is the best thing you could have ever done.” I
said.
“Hmmm, I don’t know
ma. I am just so lost and clueless at
the moment pa.” She said.
“You deserve to be
happy ma. You’ve been through out in the last couple of years and now is your
moment to be happy again. I want to be
the person that makes you smile again ma.” I said.
“What do you mean?”
she asked with a little anger in her tone.
“Ma, I have known you for about 7 years now and
I have been in love with you the second I first you. You walked pass the
staircase near the library and you
smiled. I felt in love you right at the moment. I have been waiting 7 years to tell you this and I am not sure if
this is the right time but girl I love you and will go the distance to make you
happy once again.” I said while holding her hand.
“Please don’t do this. Not now. I can’t deal with this right now pa.
It been only like a month. I am not
ready for this again. In fact I don’t think I will ever be ready again. It
was 7 years of hell for me with him. He
broke me and shattered me into pieces. I am no longer the same person
anymore. I need to find myself back
again and the last thing I want now is another relationship. It is just too
scary and I hate it.” She said as tears role down her
cheek.
“Why are you telling
me this now? Why didn’t you tell me this
back then when you saw me in university. You know, I actually also liked you. I
would have said yes to you instead of him. Now it is all too late. I can’t
go through this again.” She said.
Those words pierced my
heart sharper then a dagger could. As much it was painful for her to say
all this, it hurt me even more hearing
it. She could have been my girl only if I have acted quicker back then.
The pain in her voice
says it all how much she was broken by him. I understood where she was
coming from. She needed time to find herself back again. It could take 1 month,
1 year or maybe even her life time. The
last thing I should be doing now is pushing her back again into a relationship
although I know I can make her the happiest girl in the world.
We continued speaking a little more before we headed of
separate ways. It wasn’t just that night
we parted ways, but that was also the last time we ever saw each other.
That was back in 2005 and now it’s 2017. That’s 15 years already.
After that night the
amount of times we texted each other also reduced over time. I guess she
needed her own space to build herself again and that means staying away from me
too. We drifted apart over time and
years later I met the women I would eventually get married.
The little boy’s proposal to my daughter today lead to the
question was my wife my first love and that trigged the beautiful memory of mine on my real first love. It was
getting late and I told my daughter that we should get back home. It was that
time when I heard someone talking to me.
“Hi pa, do you
remember me?” said a female voice.
I turned around and I was shocked to see who it was. It was her. The girl I first felt in love
with 20 years ago.
*To Be Continued*
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